Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Wisdom from a friend

"LOVE is a word that consists of four letters, two vowels, two consonants and two IDIOTS."
(Author Unknown)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Cat Betrays Girlfriend

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Rejection, by Dylan Moran

Embedding for the video has been disabled, but here's the link:

And here's the script. An amazing piece of wit:

Dear Mr Black,

I’m afraid your novel is unsuitable for us at the present time and herewith return your manuscript. I do hope you are not disheartened by this rejection.

Best wishes,

Barnaby Chessington-Howe-Foxforth






Dear Mr Chessington How Fucks For Thee,

Thank you for returning my manuscript, and your enclosed nasty niminy piminy little note.

I am afraid YOUR letter is most unsuitable for ME at the present time as I’ve just spent the entire weekend writing the novel that you have summarily rejected. I can only presume that it’s company policy to reject all manuscripts not submitted in ten foot high braille. And yes, I am aware that it is traditionally bad form to respond to any kind of criticism or rejection, but in this as with all else I am an innovator, therefore I may freely address you as… pissmidget!

Still, there’s time for you to change your views and I think you will when we meet and meet we most assuredly will, when I suck out your eyes and use them as stoppers for my ears to muffle the screams you'll make as I head-butt you into a fine paste. I do hope you will not be disheartened by your sudden, violent death.

Yours faithfully,

Bernard Black.

(Back to novel writing): “Everyone… Everyone agreed he was right to kill the publisher. And to do it with with a flugal horn was a stroke of genius!

‘Bernard!’, they said. No, Brendan. Brendan. ‘Brendan,’ they said. ‘Congratulations. Here: have this basket of stuff and come and stay for the weekend.’”

Saturday, February 14, 2009

My "Norwegian" Scam Partner

I received this email today:

455 Strand
Charing Cross, London, WC2R 0RH, UK

Dear friend i am Stein Johansen.

Working with HSCB London I know this message might meet
you in utmost surprise; however, it?s just my urgent
need for foreign partner that made me to contact you
for this transaction.

I am a banker by profession from Norway and currently
holding the post of Director at HSBC UK.I have the
opportunity of transferring the left over funds
($10.million USD) of one of my bank clients Mr.
Andreas Schranner who died along with his entire
family on 31 July 2000 in a plane crash.

You can confirm the genuine of the deceased death by
clicking on this web site:

Hence, I am inviting you for a business deal where this
money can be sharedbetween us in the ratio of 60/40, If
you agree to my business proposal quickly respond back by
indicating your willingness to be part of this great
business opportunity, equally include your contacts
telephone numbers and further details of the project will
be forwarded to you as soon as I receive your return mail.

Send your reply via my private email:

Have a great day.
Yours faithfully, Mr. Stein Johansen

And this was my reply:

Go fuck yourself, Herr Johansen! I hope you and your entire
family die in a plane crash on your wedding anniversary after
being conspicuously sodomized by Arab terrorists with
Down-syndrome and seeing your children being used as
flotations devices by pedophile Chinese businessmen.

Good luck finding a foreign partner for your scam, though,

Herr Doktor Yrke Fuckdusen

PS: Being, as you are, a low criminal who only pretends to
work with HSCB London, I know this reply might meet you in
utmost surprise. I will understand if you don't respond
back indicating your willingness to be sentenced to death
by my on-line bank security provider.

Man, we should bomb these lame assholes!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Be My Valentine... NOT!

Even Mandela got divorced, says Chris Rock. As for me, I'm not so old that I cannot be lonely; but I am too young to be bored.

Here's what I mean:

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Seth says the truth.

Please leave this kid alone. He did something illegal only because prejudice and ignorance still dictate laws. The asshole who turned the picture over to the press is the one who should be hanging. And if my kids ever become junkies, it will probably have to do more with my parenting than with Michaels Phelbs' partying style.

Roll it...

Friday, February 6, 2009


Night draws near.
Leafless trees like pale veins
of a thing that was.
The intensity of light
concentrating far
ready for a pause.
Still magnificent
the day retreats.
There's nothing concrete
between you and the air-
only what you want
to believe is there.
Light is a pause from you.
Night draws
as the sun beats and fades.